Documenting my life

Category: books (Page 1 of 2)

How to deal with criticism Bravery and the Man in the Arena

I came across this quote from Theodore Roosevelt in Daring Greatly by Brené Brown, a book I highly recommend. The quote touches on others’ judgement, criticism, self-worth and expecting and preparing for hardships.

It is not the critic who counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbled or how the doer of deeds might have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat and dust and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, if he wins, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt

There are three key messages in this text, which I will detail below.

Pick whose opinion you value

This is something to keep in mind when trying something new, taking up a new project or putting yourself out there. Especially if you are worried of others’ opinions and judgement or people criticise you. Ask yourself who the negative comments are coming from. Is it someone who is in the arena? Are they as courageous as you, or do the not have any first hand experience? It’s important to consider all feedback if it is constructive, but usually the unnecessary and unwelcome comments that are not helpful come from folks who do not have more or, at least, equal experience or knowledge as you. In this case, their opinion doesn’t really count.

It will be tough, be prepared

The second takeaway is the acknowledgement that being in the arena will lead to sweat, dust and blood and you will probably come short, i. e. have setbacks multiple times. If we expect messiness, hardships and fatigue, we can prepare ourselves and try to put some strategies in place to pick ourselves back up. If we don’t know this is to be expected, we might find ourselves doubting our capability and wondering if we should give up 

Know your worth

Closely linked to both points above is the fact that you need to be strong in the knowledge of your abilities and resilience to be able to ignore criticism that is sterile. You must also be willing to fight and spend a lot of time and energy into the project you are tackling, which is easier to do if you have faith in yourself and your capacity to overcome issues.

I have found the image of the man in the aren useful in multiple occasions and hope it can be helpful to you too

Dopamine and social media

I listened to The Huberman Lab podcast episodes on dopamine and found the topic extremely interesting. It’s fascinating to me how everything is ruled by chemicals and neuroscience can explain so many aspects of our lives. 

In this article you will find out what dopamine is and how it affects us and what the link between dopamine, motivation and social media is. Please note that the social media use case is not used as an extensive example in the episodes I have listened to, but I believe the underlying mechanisms are the same and the example is correct.

What is dopamine?

Dopamine is a molecule that is associated with pleasure. You produce more dopamine when you eat a piece of chocolate, for example and certain activities release more dopamine than others.

There are two key things I learnt: 

  1. There is a pain pleasure balance
  2. Anticipation plays a big role

Let’s go through them in detail.

Pleasure pain balance

In her book Dopamine Nation, Dr Anne Lembke (interviewed on the podcast) explains that there is a balance between pleasure and pain, like a scale with two plates, or a see-saw. When one side is going up, the other goes down. But, the brain strives for balance. Therefore, if you engage in an activity that releases dopamine and tips the scale towards pleasure, it will subsequently try to balance it out. The issue is, it will overcompensate and you will feel in a lower mood than before.

That is to say, the pleasure side will have gone below baseline, where the balance is 50-50. To restore the level of before, you will try to get a new spike, by engaging in the activity again. However, you will then fall even lower. And the cycle can easily continue.


Dopamine is not only released by certain activities, but also by their anticipation. This is why the possibility of winning some money will make you want to gamble, for example.

Social media

There are many reasons why people use social media and each case is unique. Many people use social media to intentionally interact with friends and to stay on top of the news, for example. Sometimes, folks find themselves reaching for their phones when they are bored, stressed or upset.

This can be linked to the fact that social media provides users with many dopamine inducing moments.

You are always one post away from something potentially amazing (whatever that may be jn that circumstance: funny, informative, helpful, interesting). This triggers a dopamine release, because of the anticipation aspect. And the fact that not every post is, in fact, mind-blowing, means that your dopamine level will drop frequently, leading you to more scrolling, hoping for the next best thing. Novelty is another thing that is linked to dopamine, and we can easily find that on social media, too.

This is a very complex and interesting topic, if you have any further resources please share them in the comments below.

Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown book review

In this post, you can find my notes and a personal review of Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown’s new book.

Who is it for?

I would recommend this book to anyone curious about emotions and who wants to learn more. Particularly about when/how they can arise, what they can tell us, and what are the subtle differences between similar ones.

It’s especially interesting for those who spend a lot of time with others, to have a clearer understanding of different experiences and emotions. This will improve their ability to connect more effectively.

Book structure and style

Atlas of the Heart reads like a dictionary or an encyclopedia, so you can jump from one section to another, or skip something entirely.

Each section describes emotions related to a specific scenario, in the form of “Places we go when…”. It’s very practical to skim through and look for what you need.
It is nice to read about many different examples, both from the author’s personal experience and from the years of research she has collated. 

The final chapters discuss cultivating meaningful connection and gratitude.

Brené Brown’s writing style is clearly recognizable, despite this book being similar to a consultation manual. She is often encouraging, especially when describing an unpleasant emotion.

Personal experience

I paused reading the book on multiple occasions, to reflect on my own experience and take notes. This helped me to better take in the messages shared. I will also be able to go back to them and revisit specific paragraphs that resonated.

After reading Atlas of the Heart, I went back to it again, when I was trying to process and uncover what I was feeling. It was useful to dig deeper and it was nice to feel validated and read about others’ experiences.

I will definitely go back to this book multiple times – I am positive it will become a pillar book to reference.

Key takeaways

Brené Brown points out a few things in her new book that stood out to me:

  • The difference between envy and jealousy: “Envy occurs when we want something that another person has. Jealousy is when we fear losing a relationship or a valued part of a relationship that we already have”
  • Expectations: we need to make them explicit within ourselves and other people involved. This is something that feels scary, but will strenghen the connection, help set boundaries and feeling less hurt in the future
  • I discovered the definition of freudenfreude: being happy for someone else’s success. It’s something to look for and treasure any relationship. It can be nice to be more open and celebrate more often, even the small things

Notes and personal thoughts on expectations
Managing and setting expectations is something especially important to remember. It’s easy to assume others “will know” what our expectations are, when in fact they might not be clear at all – sometimes they could be quite different!

It can also help in setting boundaries and having well defined limits as well as key milestones in place.

It’s also key to remember to ask for others’ expectations. Aim to have a clear picture of when they will consider something to be completed or what the final outcome should be. It’s critical in a work environment, but it is useful in other areas as well.

Interestingly, it’s also key to be aware of our own personal expectations for projects or tasks. We want to ensure that they are reasonable and doable. This means we are not setting ourselves up for disappointment or failure, with unrealistic outcomes in mind.

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An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth by Chris Hadfield – Book review

I read Chris Hadfield’s book An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth recently, after being fascinated by his Masterclass course I saw a few years ago.

Here are my main takeaways and thoughts on the book. The subtitle is “What Going to Space Taught Me About Ingenuity, Determination, and Being Prepared for Anything”, so you know it’s going to be fascinating!

Decisions matter

There are so many moments where you make a decision and you don’t even realize it.

Or sometimes you recognize it’s not the best decision, but you justify it to yourself. If it’s an exception or you have thought of it intentionally, by all means.

However, I have personally noticed that sometimes I will do something out of habit or laziness, more than as a treat or because I really think that’s the best thing to do. The risk is that the subpar behavior becomes the default one and you don’t even think of the other options you have.

Would an astronaut eat his vegetables or have potato chips instead? Sleep in late or get up early to read a book? I recognized even as a 9-year-old that I had a lot of choices and my decisions mattered. What I did each day would determine the kind of person I’d become.

Chris hadfield

Sweat the small stuff

This is what Chris Hadfield says about his training in problem-solving.

I learned how to anticipate problems in order to prevent them, and how to respond effectively in critical situations. Astronauts are taught that the best way to reduce stress is to sweat the small stuff.

In my experience, fear comes from not knowing what to expect and not feeling you have any control over what’s about to happen. We felt competent to deal with whatever happened—a sense of confidence that comes directly from solid preparation.

Nothing boosts confidence quite like simulating a disaster, engaging with it fully, both physically and intellectually, and realizing you have the ability to work the problem. Each time you manage to do that your comfort zone expands a little, so if you ever face that particular problem in real life, you’re able to think clearly.

I really like the emphasis on the importance of preparation and the knowledge that you can solve a problem, since you have already gone through the motions. It’s interesting to realize this shift in perspective:

Anticipating problems and figuring out how to solve them is actually the opposite of worrying: it’s productive.

Practice and learn

When training, they would have multiple simulations on each aspect they had to prepare for. The goal was to learn and get everything done correctly, but this will only happen after a few sessions and mistakes, usually. What is really key is the fact that they were encouraged to share about their mistakes, so that others could learn about potential issues and could come up with solutions. To summarize, you need to practice in different scenarios and always highlight what you did wrong. Make it a point to learn as much as possible.

This concept is also used in Medicine, where doctors and surgeons will routinely share “near miss situations“: occasions in which thankfully nothing serious happened to the patient, but they realized there could have easily been an accident and that they need to improve the mechanisms in place in that particular area.

When I was preparing for exams at Uni, I would think to myself that asking a question to the professor during office hours and letting him know that I had not understood something was way better than this coming up in the exam itself.

Not only I could still be perceived as “ignorant”, now I was also “lazy”/unprepared and I had to face the consequences of a bad mark. I would often ask myself difficult questions and try and understand the nitty-gritty details, to be sure I was prepared and, when studying with my classmates, we would test each other on the trickier parts, where someone had made an unexpected mistake.

Create checklists

Chris Hadfield really stresses the importance of a checklist and to not trust your spontaneous judgment, especially under stress, if you had previously thought about the task at hand. Maybe you are in a hurry, maybe you have done the same thing many times, maybe someone asks you something else… You can be tempted to be as fast as possible and skip the checks past-you had decided were useful. Most times it will go well, but just one mistake will make you regret not having followed your own advice. Especially because it is not a new lesson or something you hadn’t prepared for.

In real-time, the temptation to take a chance is always higher.

Astronauts will create Flight Rules to protect themselves against the temptation to take risks. These rules were created when there was no urgency or pressure and they could analyse all angles, possible actions, and their consequences and make a solid judgment without stress.

I create checklists for tasks I have to routinely do, to make sure I don’t skip any steps, especially if it’s repetitive and requires little attention. I also create checklists of potential error causes and make sure to run through them before marking a task as complete.

Be in flow

The last point is related to the concept of flow, in my interpretation. I first found out about this idea in Cal Newport’s book Deep Work and I have discussed more about it in this blog post.

Chris Hadfield explains that especially since his dream job was, literally, one of the most common dream jobs, he could not and did not define himself as being or wanting to be an astronaut. It is important to have a goal in mind, but what is key is that it must not be the end all be all – you have to enjoy the ride.

He gives a simple example: “For me, the appeal was similar to that of a New York Times crossword puzzle: training is hard and fun and stretches my mind, so I feel good when I persevere and finish—and I also feel ready to do it all over again”

This can be summed up in the following quote:

You should try and find meaning and enjoyment in the day to day activities, embracing everything as a challenge, and making sure you have a goal in mind and you can track your progress, however small, and enjoy the results that come from the process.

chris hadfield

Final thoughts and recommendation advice

As you can tell by the number of quotes and takeaways from the book, I really enjoyed reading this autobiography, since it was very captivating and filled with nuggets of wisdom and funny anecdotes. I would recommend it to anyone who is fascinated by Space and is curious about the life of an Astronaut

Learn how to focus more – from Deep Work

This is the second post on Cal Newport’s book Deep Work. The first one, about flow state and deep work sessions, is here. I share the main takeaways and how I apply them in my personal life.

Can the ability to focus and concentrate intensely be trained?

Newport states that the ability to focus and concentrate intensely can be trained and that in doing so we must also focus on our capacity to resist distraction.

Once you’re wired for distraction, you crave it”

Probably the most common distraction is our phone or the internet, in some way.

We often take out our phones as soon as we are bored or if we are facing something that is just slightly challenging, since we look for a distraction to the discomfort.


Why are distractions when you are working on something challenging bad?

Having a “free for all card” might feel good in the moment, but you are teaching your brain that you cannot tackle these tough situations. Overcoming challenges through hard work and grit is, instead, what makes us feel accomplished, satisfied, and, overall, happy.

What can you do?

Cal Newport suggests a series of things:

  1. Scheduling your internet time in advance. He insists that you should not use it outside these designated slots. Of course, most of us use the internet at work, so disconnecting for a full day would be impossible.

    You can probably carve out some time in which you are not online if you let people know in advance and explain that you need uninterrupted focused time to complete a task efficiently. For example, you can check your emails and messages every hour, reply to anything urgent and then log off for another hour

  1. Be mindful of this distraction pitfall in our free time, i.e. outside of work. If we train our ability to focus and resist distraction while doing our job but then are constantly on our smartphones in the evenings, we are likely wasting a lot of the effort we put in hours before.

    This is because we are attempting to rewire our brains, and this will be extremely more difficult if we regularly end up following old patterns.

    He suggests applying the same internet-scheduling strategy doing our leisure time, too. We can be a bit more flexible, but the idea is to not use social media as a quick distraction as soon as we feel bored. “It weakens your mind’s general ability to resist distraction, making deep work difficult later when you really want to concentrate.”

  1. The easiest and most rewarding solution is to think ahead and plan some quality and fun activities in your free time. You will be happier for having done something you really enjoy, rather than mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. If you pick up a new hobby, for example, you will be excited to learn something new and you will see quick improvements.

But my situation is different!

In the book, the author also addresses the main objections to the approach he proposes:

  1. “Social media makes me happy, I use it to connect with friends”.

The main thing to ask yourself is if spending your time on social media is the best way to connect with friends. Why not call a friend, or go out for coffee or for a walk at the park? Of course, this might not apply to everyone: if you are abroad, for example, or you just moved to a new city, social media can have an overall positive impact.

What we must be careful about is to not fall into the “any benefit” trap, when we justify using a tool because it has any small benefit.

We should instead use what he calls The Craftsman Approach to Tool Selection: identify the core factors that determine success and happiness in your professional and personal life. Adopt a tool only if its positive impacts on these factors substantially outweigh its negative impacts”

I deleted my Instagram account months ago and I have never looked back. I remember sending a message to a few friends of mine, telling them about my decision and asking them to keep me updated on side projects they were working on since I would no longer see posts and stories on the progress made. Apart from that, I don’t really care about what my friends ate for lunch or dinner, and if a close friend has an important update to share they would simply tell me directly, so I don’t feel like I’m missing out.


  1. “In the evenings and weekends I am too tired to do anything”.

Generally, what we need is change, rather than passive scrolling. Or sleep, if we are completely exhausted. Usually, a change in activity will make us not feel more tired, but refreshed and overall more fulfilled with our day.

I fully agree with this idea that we need change more than passive and mindless activities.

Something that has really worked for me is to have a hobby that I do with other people. This means I have to schedule it in and know I will be dedicating an evening or two to that specific activity. If your hobbies are not something you do in a pair or group, you will still benefit from the structure they can offer.

In the evenings or weekends, I sometimes don’t feel like working on side projects or engaging in activities that require a certain level of concentration. However, if I can get myself to start, I am always happy I did and the satisfaction is really high.

Of course, this doesn’t apply in every circumstance. I am aware I am in a privileged position since I don’t have many barriers that others might have. Sometimes mindless activities are exactly what we need.

Overall, reframing “rest” as a change in activity that will re-energize me has really worked for me and I want to remember this more often.

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