Documenting my life

Category: habits (Page 2 of 2)

The mental load – how to stop procrastinating

In this post I will discuss how the concept of mental load helped me not procrastinate and what strategies I find help me achieve this.

What is the mental load?

The concept of mental load is generally used in relationships or when living with flatmates. 

It describes the fact that there is, usually, an imbalance in how each person is expected to contribute to the household life, where some tasks or things done in preparation for something else go unseen and unnoticed.

For example, if a man and a woman live together, especially if they are partners, it’s generally more common for the woman to be expected to keep track of what needs to be done. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t share chores equally, but it could mean that the woman is aware of pending tasks and keeps track of to dos, while the man might need a reminder.

One of the reasons why this topic has been brough to awareness recently is that it’s exhausting. From the outside, the chores can be shared equally, but really, keeping track and feeling responsible requires energy,  and this isn’t always acknowledged.

The mental load of procrastination

With procrastination, we push things off to tomorrow or next week and then again and again. Sure, it’s easier than doing something which is boring or difficult. At the same time we have to keep track of this task. Make sure we don’t eventually forget or miss the deadline. Every time we have a spare moment, this to-do creeps up, nagging us.

It’s even harder when we worry we can’t do something and that’s the reason we procrstinate in the first place. In this case, you add the prospect of guilt or shame and failure to the mix, and the mental load increases even more.

I remind myself of this when I find myself procrastinating and I think back to the many times when actually doing the thing took was simpler than I thought.

Sometimes I prove myself wrong and find out I could do the thing just fine. What a success and feeling of accomplishment! And even if I do make a mistake or “fail”, it’s something I can acknowledge with certainty, and figure out what the next steps will be. This is definitely better than being in that “what if” state and lingering with no set action plan.

In any case, the energy procrastination takes up is almost always more then what is required to actually doing the task itself.

Here is my reminder to myself and anyone reading: put on some music and chip away at that thing weighing on your mental load. As they say, it will be a weight off your chest (and your mind). You will be thankful you did. Below are some of the things I do.

Strategies to avoid procrastination

  • TWO MINUTE RULE – extremely simple and self explanatory: if something takes less than two minutes to do, do it straight away. This has helped me not procrastinate those small annoying tasks that just keep nagging you until they’re done. Doing a task immediately means it will not become an “open tab” in your head, that you need to keep monitored, albeit subconsciously.
  • “DON’T SIT DOWN” rule – As we all know sitting down often means relaxing, especially after a long day. If there are things that need to be done, it’s easier for me to do them right when I get through the door, for example. I know I need to take my makeup off and brush my teeth – if I do so as soon as I get home it feels effortless, because the laziness that can me when I am on the couch has not had an opportunity to hit me yet.
  • When it comes to tidying, I have found it’s easy to do when everything has a home, as they say. You are not trying to think of where that thing should go or if the best place for this object is on the shelf or a random drawer – you are simply automatically moving things around with no need to think.
  • 10 MINUTE CHALLENGE – Another thing that has helped me is to set up a 10 minute timer and make it a challenge to tidy up a specific area. I usually also have a podcast or music in the background, so the boring/neutral task of tidying gets overshadowed by the pleasant task of listening to something I enjoy.
  • FUTURE YOU – I think about my future self and how she will appreciate me putting in the effort now. These tasks won’t be part of her mental load and she will be grateful I did them

How to get out of a rut

As a few people have noticed, I have not been consistent with posting new articles on this blog lately. I must say that I have made significant progress in other areas of my life and I am very proud of it, and it’s natural to shift priorities from time to time. In the previous post I discuss a few reasons as to why I stopped posting.

In this article I will go over what I have done to get myself out of this rut, if you will. Only time will tell, but I think I have identified a few key points that have been helping me lately. Of course, please be mindful that every situation is different. In this case, this blog is a personal passion project of mine, so the stakes are low and I know I enjoyed publishing the first articles.

Go back to the why

The first thing to do is to reflect on your motivation for why. In my case , thinking back to the reasons for starting a blog in the first place, what I wanted to get out of it and why. This concept is something which is well known and it could seem obvious, but it’s not always easy to remind ourselves to check in with our why. In some cases you might even re-evaluate your core motivation and reasons for doing a certain thing and start going a new direction. This could be as extreme as deciding to quit/pause the project altogether: I think this demonstrates a lot of perspective and bravery and will allow you to focus on higher priority things. Or will find that a reminder of the initial goals and motivation is what you needed to fuel your next steps – great!  In any case, you know what you want now, where to focus your energy, and why.

For me, the first article published is conveniently titled Why am I starting this blog?. Reading it back and thinking about it was a good reminder of why I started the blog and how I believe consistency is key. So I decided to get back into the swing of things and really focus on the blog in the upcoming weeks.

Another thing to do is to talk to a friend or family member, as this can help evaluate the situation from an outside perspective. They will be able to offer their point of view and support and theh can help you figure out your next steps.

Get clarity 

When a task feels daunting, I stop and reflect. Often I find it’s overwhelming because I am unclear on what the different steps are and how I can break down the project into smaller tasks. In this article arguing if motivation is what we are missing, I quote James Clear

Many people think they lack motivation when what they really lack is clarity. It is not always obvious when and where to take action.

This can happen without you realising. It’s usually good to take a step back, realize you don’t need to go from 0 to 100% in the next hour or day, but you can anyway make good progress, that will compound. 

In my case, I saw “restart blogging” as a huge task of publishing weekly posts for months in a row, sharing the content on different platforms, planning articles in advance for when I went on holiday and so on. Of course, these are all separate tasks. I don’t have to have months worth of articles ready by tomorrow. I can set up some time to share the content. All this was now not an overwhelming project, but a series of activities to plan and tick off one at a time. 

Plan

Once you know what you need to do, it’s important to define when you are going to focus on different things. I think having a strict schedule works in some cases, depending on your personality and the task at hand. But even if you prefer to be inspired in the moment, it’s useful to block your calendar to ensure you will dedicate this time to this project.

This is also helpful because it means you have a default response for what you will be doing on Tuesday evening, for example. No need to think about it, it’s already been decided by past-you. It could sound weird, but it has worked for me in the past.

Track

I find that tracking my progress is motivating, as I can see what I have accomplished already, how much effort I have put into something and the results that came with it. I suggest writing it down using either a notebook or a digital tool. I usually pair this with the plan I do every week as part of my weekly review (which I had also stopped doing, unfortunately).

Enjoy the journey 

You decided to work on this project for a bunch of reasons, which are now clearly defined, as per point 1. This is something you want and hopefully like to do. Of course there will be parts of it that will not feel easy or interesting, but it’s important to try and enjoy the journey as much as possible. And appreciate what you are doing and accomplishing along the way.

For me, I had forgotten that I actually enjoy writing. I like focusing on something which is challenging but not extremely tough and seeing the progress made. Writing helps me think and connect the dots. It’s tiring but also relaxing, in a way, because you are forced to put all your attention on one thing. Link to Deep Focus and Astronaut book.

For other parts of this project which I might find less interesting, I can set up a timer and challenge myself to complete a task in 25 minutes. I can make myself a coffee and eat something while chipping away at whatever I need to do. I can go to a café and sit outside in the sunshine for an hour, before seeing some friends. 

You can buy yourself something you wanted for a while as a reward for completing a big and challenging task.

Find ways to make the process fun, if it isn’t already, and appreciate it!

Find pockets of time

Hopefully you’re having fun and enjoying the process most of the time.  In the moments when you are not enthusiastic about a specific task, you will probably be able see progress and this will be motivating. So much so that you will start to look for time in which you can work on these tasks that build up your project.

It is 22:06 at the moment, I have just finished an online class and I felt slightly tired and could have easily started putting on my pjs and spend the rest of the evening on my phone. Instead I know I want to write this article and get back on track with this blog, so I opened Notion and started working on this draft instead. And now that I’ve started, I am actually enjoying it.

Another thing I noticed is that sometimes it’s easy to fall into the “it’s too late now, what is the point” trap. Something had gone wrong at 10 am and now the whole morning is ruined. You couldn’t go for a run because it was pouring outside and so you lay on the couch the whole day. Or, in this case, I had a class until 22 tonight, so the rest of the evening is gone. In some cases it’s good to have a buffer between different activities and time to reflect, relax, do nothing. But I find it’s incredibly easy to dismiss a portion of thr day because of something else that happened or will happen around that time. In these cases it’s useful to remind ourselves to find pockets of time and take advantage of this, since it all adds up and you will feel satisfied in the end.

Get in the flow of things 

I find that the more I leave a task and procrastinate it, the more difficult it seems. Once I start, instead, I often find that it is not, in fact as tough as I imagined it to be. The weird thing is this happens also related to activities you already know. I have been writing this blog for months and I liked the act of writing, elaborating my thoughts etc, but it still seemed so hard to start again. Probably I’d just gotten out of the habit. I have noticed just how simpler it feels once you are back in the flow. As mentioned before you start looking for opportunities and your perspective shifts. One thing leads to another also in terms in inspiration and ideas, topics to discuss and things to share. When writing one thing I think about another topic that could also make a good article and so on.

I hope you can take some of these pointers if you are in a rut – I know I will come back to it if needed 

Why I stopped posting

I have not been publishing new blog posts. To be more precise, I have been procrastinating publishing new blog posts

Using this as an example, I will try and unpack a few thoughts on the topic, related to perfectionism, progress and habit building.

Perfectionism

Probably the main thing that is stopping me is this: I am trying to make sure everything will go smoothly from now on. This means no more lengthy breaks, always sharing on social media, continuously thinking about new topics and ideas to share or things to document, just to name a few things. I am waiting until I have enough drafts, ideas, knowledge to feel fail-proof.

Making sure everything is perfect from the beginning is generally very difficult. In reality, publishing a post is the key action. The main thing is to write something I am proud of and hit publish.

  • For some aspects, the marginal gains are usually small after you are 95% there – it’s only through experience that you can have significant improvements, in my experience. 
  • In other cases, there will be things you can’t control or things that change for various reasons, so there is no point in worrying about those and procrastinating.

Progress not perfection

As mentioned above, in hindsight there will always things I could do better and I’m sure I will look back on the first posts and find ways in which they could be improved, once I have more experience and knowledge.

Having a blog means I am able to document the progress, but this is possible only if I actually publish. This is actually one of my main goals for this website.

As the quote says: “Done is better than perfect”. I always strive to do my best, but I like this saying because it reminds me that the real improvement happens through repetition and continuously challenging yourself to learn from your mistakes and move on and create something new.

Break it down

If I think about maintaining a blog, a bunch of things I need to do come to mind. I find this can feel overwhelming because you somehow think you must to everything at once. In reality, each task is a separate thing and recognising that you don’t need to do everything right now is simple yet effective, and it can be easy to forget, especially if you are trying to pick a project back up.

Keeping up the habit

Another reason why this now feels so much harder than a few months ago is that I am not in the habit of writing and, especially, posting, anymore.

I used to write new posts on Saturdays or Sundays, then publish them and sometimes share online. It was something I “just did”, it was part of my weekend routine and I thoroughly enjoyed the process. I still really like writing and taking a moment to reflect and share my thoughts.

Although this is a specific situation, this applies to many other scenarios: meal prepping or eating healthy, exercise, doing a weekly review, etc. It’s important to not lose the habit, or starting again will be more difficult.

This is why yesandyes suggests to have so-called “bookmark habits”, i.e. simpler versions of your usual habits that you know you can do no matter what. This way, you are sure you don’t lose that muscle memory you can’t keep up with the “complete” habit for a while. For example, Sarah, the author, will make her bed even when staying in a hotel on holiday. 

In summary, I am happy I tried to dig a bit deeper and I thought about how I can help myself, now and in the future. I will probably come back to this post sometime in the future. 

The power of consistency and envy

The story

The setup

During the first lockdown, around May of 2020, I had signed up for the Couch to 5K program. A friend had done the same, she’d started one month before me, so she was slightly ahead of me and would give me tips. I would ask her about her progress as it was inspiring and motivating.

The progress

She kept running. She injured herself around October 2020, but didn’t use that as an excuse and started running again as soon as she was feeling better.

I went on holiday in August and took a break, then I moved and fell out of my routine. When I thought of restarting, I felt lazy and I new it would be uncomfortable to begin with, so I basically stopped running. I had never got to 5K.

The last time I heard from her, around January 2021, she was running 7/10K, if I remember correctly. At the time it was a very big achievement and something to celebrate, I was so happy for her!

I did feel a bit envious and wondered if I could have done the same or how long would it take me to get to that point, now, but I let the thought go and moved on.

The surprise

We didn’t keep in touch, it had been a year. I stumble upon an online video that describes her experience in running an ultra-marathon trail in September 2021. Almost 60 km!! Running.l I was so amazed and impressed – I texted her, hoping it wasn’t too weird, after one year. I just had to congratulate myself

The takeaways

This was a great reminder about the power of consistency. We started at the same time, I have finally restarted running (thanks to the couch to 5K program) and can just about run 20 mins at the moment of writing this. My friend ran 60K.

Envy, the good kind

Brené Brown talks about envy in her book Atlas of the Heart. In this article, I review the book and share my thoughts. One of the points that stood out was the difference between good and negative envy.

Good envy will show you what is possible and will inspire you to act. Seeing that another person has something you want will help you understand your wants and dreams better. By feeling envious, you can dig deeper to figure out why you feel that way and what exactly is the cause. Ask yourself: what do you envy? What about it is something you wish you had?

What do I envy?

In my case, I don’t think I will ever run an ultra marathon.

What I admire and strive to achieve is the level of consistency and constant showing up, even when things don’t go as planned. Being able to put in the effort day in and day out, when it’s raining or snowing or too hot to even walk comfortably outside. Be willing to feel uncomfortable, especially after having to take a break from running.

Crucial caveat

Of course, we have to compromise some things in our lives and I am happy with my personal achievements and progress.

I am proud of showing up consistently and striving to feel uncomfortable in order to grow in other areas of my life. I am definitely focused on improving myself and setting goals for myself and I thrive off of big and small steps towards them.

While my friend was training and running, I spent countless hours doing and learning about improv, I launched this blog and kept up with one or two weekly posts for three months and made significant improvements in other areas, which make me really excited and proud. And sometimes we just need to rest and focus on recharging and that’s ok (and should be encouraged morel).

Final thougths

Seeing this friend achieve such a huge accomplishment was an extraordinary example of the power of consistency. It was a great reminder of the importance of health and fitness, as well as the enjoyment exercise can bring.

It reminded me of this image by James Clear [full article here]. He writes: “Improving by 1 percent isn’t particularly notable—sometimes it isn’t even noticeable—but it can be far more meaningful, especially in the long run. The difference a tiny improvement can make over time is astounding. Here’s how the math works out: if you can get 1 percent better each day for one year, you’ll end up thirty-seven times better by the time you’re done. Conversely, if you get 1 percent worse each day for one year, you’ll decline nearly down to zero. What starts as a small win or a minor setback accumulates into something much more”

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